This Tuesday I was in Delhi metro coming from Gurgaon, sorry if
I hurt any sentiments by not calling it Gurugram (getting their sentiments hurt
is favorite hobby of people these days). I somehow think I will never get used
to of Gurugram. I remember my schoolmate Kallu. In 10th standard, while
registering for board exams, it occurred to his parents that Kallu isn't
probably a good name. So they registered him as Kapil. It has been fifteen
years (oh my God, 15 years... I am really old now.) But I never heard anybody
calling him Kapil and case of Gurgaon is even worse because they are trying to
change Kapil into Kallu.
So I was traveling from MG Road to Saket (that's where I
live). 3'O clock in the noon isn't the busiest of metro hours so I actually got
a seat to sit down. That was great because you really need to feel comfortable
to lie better. Oh I forgot to mention, my latest mobile obsession is online
poker and I am not the luckiest with card. So I try to bluff with whatever I
get. So I was playing poker in my mobile when I realized there is a dude
standing near my seat and apparently his only mission in life was to know what
is happening in my phone. People generally don't realize how impolite it is to
sneak into somebody's phone. Sometimes when I am chatting with my girlfriend in
public transport or lift, there will be some dude who will try to read every
word of it as if I am sending it to his sister.
So, to make him feel guilty I looked at him but he was in
different zone altogether. He was looking back at me as if I was actually asking
for nudes from his sister. Those eyes expressions were really confusing so I
thought better to use easy mode of communication. So I spoke, “Don’t worry, I
am not going to lose Indraprastha and Draupadi in the
gambling."
Sometimes I wonder, probably I have some extraordinary quality to offend people. Once I was telling
one of my friends who happen to be a Chemical Engineer from an IIT that Ganga
Water is now polluted even for bathing how somebody can drink it.
And he was like: Ganga water can make anything pure and you
think it is not pure itself. Our generation kids study few things about science
and think that they know it all. The whole education System was made by
Britishers whereas actual science was invented by, we, Indians centuries ago.
You will happily read those foreign writer books and feel that you are very
educated. Real knowledge is in Vedas. We had all this knowledge centuries
ago.
“But go and see the water analysis report before any Kumbh
Mela, it always says that water isn't clean enough to even bath."
“This is agenda of these anti nationalist people, don't fall prey
to it and never ever hurt anybody's sentiment for Ganga Maiya again."
So there was this guy who was staring at me because I looked
back at him for peeking into my phone. He replied back to me, “I don't know
what’s wrong with people now a day. You guys think making fun of our scriptures
is so cool. Don't you ? That wasn't just any gambling game that was according to
the will of Lord Krishna."
My tolerance for shit is very high usually but still this pissed
me of. Not because he was not making any sense but I didn’t even know him and
he was literally invading my privacy and wanted to make me feel guilty about
it. So I replied, “Lord Krishna probably forget to mention it in Geeta but I am
pretty sure he intended to say that it’s not exactly a good idea to stick your
nose into somebody else’s business.”
He replied, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to sneak into your phone but I
just saw you playing poker. I know it’s virtual and it isn’t any gambling and
even if it, it probably isn’t my business (yeah, that’s right there was a
‘probably’). It just made me wonders why we Indian don’t like to do or use Indian
things. They take anything and westernized it and it instantly becomes cool for
us. Take you for an example, even if you have to play a gambling card game, you
won’t play Teen Patti which is invented in India but you have to play Poker.
Because using Indian Things is so uncool.”
He totally swept me off the floor by saying sorry. You usually
don’t expect sorry from these nationalist cops of moral police. But this was
absolutely funny in its own way, I mean if you want to gamble, go gamble try
your luck but make sure you are playing an Indian game. I took a good look of
him and couldn’t resist laughing. It took me good 10 secs to be able to utter a
word. “You are telling me to use Indian things wearing your Jack & Jones
Tees, Levi’s jeans and superstar shoes. Dude, do you even listen to yourself ?.”
Right then metro announced, “Next station is Saket. Doors will
open on the right.” I got up to leave , giving him my seat. He interjected from
behind, “So that’s how it works for you, you will listen to me if I will tell
you same thing wearing different clothes.”
“Obviously not, you are not making any sense anyway but then at
least you will preach what you practice.” and waved him a good bye.
